I'M GIVING UP

It has been quite a while since I last posted anything here and a lot has happened between then and now. But most significant of all for me has been making it up to the top of Africa for the fourth time in my life; a grueling 5 days hiking up to Point Uhuru on Mt. Kilimanjaro.

Any seasoned mountain climber will confirm that this is not at all an easy task. As I said, it was my fourth time but that does not mean it was any easier than the first three times. If we are talking about the fun, yes it was much more fun than all the other times, but definitely not any easier.

The words "Give Up" resounded in my head so many times and it was the most sensible thing to do. However, my ego could not let me do it. My body was at its limit but my heart was not yet there and I held on to the end and it was all worth it. Nothing beats the feeling of getting to the end of your journey despite the speed-bumps that you encountered along the way.

That experience and a few others got me thinking about giving up and its actual definition. So I decided to get the meaning out of the dictionary. 

Give; to hand something to somebody so that they can look at it, use it or keep it for a time

 Up; towards or in a higher position

(Source; Oxford Advance Learner's Dictionary 7th Edition)

So you have hit a road-bump in your career, you still do not seem to be heading towards your dreams, things just do not seem to be working out for you; and the only thought you have is to Give Up. 

Well, I know the feeling. Many times things never seem to be working out in our favor. We seem to be looking for the perfect job, the perfect relationship, the perfect life and it looks as if we are in this on our own, let down by God, enough for some of us to even ask ourselves why He has forsaken us. 

And it is all just like the many trips I have taken up Mt. Kilimanjaro, where every step is harder and more challenging than the previous one. Where all you body keeps telling you is just Give Up!!

Well then, I do choose to Give Up. I choose to give up, not by letting go and throwing in the towel, but by handing over that situation to "Somebody" who is in a higher position, someone who says He is able to bear much more load than I can ever imagine, someone who has all the answers for all that I am going through.

Yes, I choose to Give all my worries, anxieties, problems, future and all these things that cause me tears and sorrows Up to a God who is able to bear it all. 

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)

This God has declared that He has my best interest at heart, that He is looking out for me and has it all planned out for my life. A life that I know I want to live for Him. And that is why I choose to Give Up when all seems to be breaking me to pieces.

So just like the feeling you get when you are at the top of Kilimanjaro, having ignored your body telling you to turn back and give up, being at the ultimate destination of your journey, savoring the beauty of God's amazing and indescribable creation; having no words to say just how it feels... that is how the experience is going to be when we have held on to a God who can get us there, when we Give Up to Him, when it stops being about what we cannot do and being about what He is able to do, and letting Him take control.

Yes, let go, let Him have His way; just GIVE UP!!!

My Fear of Marriage

Marriage... thinking about it, it is one of the most misunderstood institutions we have in the world today. Now I have to make it clear that I do not particularly fear getting married but I fear for the marriages in the world today.

It pains me when I sit in a matatu every morning and have to listen to Maina Kageni and Mwalimu King'ang'i's discussions that, more often than not, will be in reference to marriage; how men are cheating on their wives, how women are cheating on their husbands and how all of them believe they are doing the right thing.

Then there is this marriage bill that is being discussed in Parliament. Apparently, I can decide to take on a second wife and there will be legally no offense in doing so. And they say this is an improvement from the previous law which stated that you have to seek consent from the first wife... what improvement is there??? Someone please enlighten me.

What is marriage becoming dear people? When was love and commitment thrown out the window? Have you heard of the stories of bank tellers hitting on single men with fat bank accounts just to milk the money out of them? Is wealth the reason a woman will finally say I do? It pains me when this is what marriage has become. For the men, refer to my previous article Man Up and live up to what you are supposed to be. For the women... I do not know what to say.

We have made marriage a joke that it was not meant to be. It has become a platform for wealth and a shame to the society. Why would anyone want to destroy such a sacred and holy institution that God intended to bring joy, to impact the society and our spiritual lives so greatly; to make it rubbish, to make it so carnal and a mockery of what God intended it to be??

Call me naive, but for all I care, love is the only reason to get married. Love is what will bring a man and a woman together and unite them in the bond of marriage... not wealth and not for whatever other wrong reason people get married today.

Sitting in wedding ceremonies today has made me realize that vows have turned into beautiful poems we recite just as a ritual and not a commitment to the union that one is getting into. Is there any reason then that we sit in a church to witness the wedding if a few years down the line those words that you spoke do not make any sense any more???

But what does the Bible say about it??

Wives, submit to your husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body of which he is the Savior. Ephesians 6:22-23

Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. Ephesians 6:25

In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. Ephesians 6:28

So do we need a huge billboard for us to get this right?? Do we need it to be shouted from us to understand it?? marriage is holy, marriage is Godly and it is meant to glorify Him. Ever thought how God feels when He looks down at His people and sees how much rubbish we have made out of marriage. 

That being the case, I have made a vow that I will kneel down a pray to god to bring along that girl that I will spend the rest of my life with and one I have known it is her, I will not hesitate to make my vows to love her and to cherish her for the rest of my life... oh, and please do not rush me, I believe I will find her (that is if I have not yet met her) and you shall be made aware of this wonderful finding when it happens.

To be honest, I look forward to marriage. I look forward to finding that one girl who will take my breath away and will become part of me for the rest of my life. I look forward to the day I will stand at the alter and make an honest commitment to love her and to live the rest of my life with her. I look forward to loving, laughing and building life together with her, to argue when we do not agree, but even more so to make up when we reach a compromise.

Yes, I want it to be out of love that I will go down on one knee and ask her to marry me and wait for her, in tears of joy rolling down her cheeks, to say yes. Yes, I want to make that commitment to her because I will love her, and she will love me. I want to mean every single word that I will say as I make my vows.

I look forward to having children with her and taking crazy selfies with them. I look forward to working on my marriage and making it work. I look forward making eternal memories with her and most importantly, making our marriage bring glory to God.

I want to make my marriage work... but as for now, I just pray that God will direct us together and that she will be everything I ever wanted, I will be everything she ever wanted and that we shall both work to making our marriage everything that God intended for it to be.

Yes, I do want to get married, and I want to do it for every right reason that God intended it for.

50% Christian

Making it to work is becoming quite a hustle these days, especially with all the traffic that is clogging our roads. If you make a  mistake of getting to the stage a few minutes late, you will definitely end up stuck in massive traffic. However, it has opened up my mind on a certain area of my Christian life. 

I often admire the nice stickers people have on the rear of their cars that have some wonderful message on them. I'm sure quite a number of us have seen them. But the most interesting thing is that you place this person smack in the middle of traffic and salvation is put aside as this person struggles to make their way through; overlapping, honking their horn loudly, shouting some obscenities I cannot bring myself to quote here... yes, salvation takes a back seat and this guy just has to get his way.

That is where we fail as Christians, we are so quick to put Christianity aside when we know that there is another simpler way of getting things done for us.

Have you been in a matatu and the conductor gives you more change than is supposed to, or he does not ask you for your fare at all? How many of us would start thanking God for a miracle of a little extra cash in our pockets? Did you give that annoying policeman "a cup of tea" when he found you overlapping while in traffic? Did you give "kitu kidogo" to get the job you have now?

So many times we put aside the ways of Christianity when we really do not want to get in trouble or need a favor done for us and we assume that it has no effect on our lives. Well guess what, it starts with a bit and ends up as a habit, and eventually it becomes your character.

Another group of Christians are only Christians when they are around people, just so that they can know you are a Christian. How wrong we are... Christianity is to honor and bring glory to God. His intention for creating us is that His people, individually and in communion, remain pure and bring praises to Him. It does not matter whether I am shouting at the top of my voice or sitting quietly, the world has got to know who I am and they have to realize that I am a Christian; Iv got to praise Him in all I do.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things. -Philippians 4:8

Paul puts it very plain and simple, he does not say that it has to be in public or private, not at convenient times, not when it favors; it has got to be always, plain and simple. 

But remember this, we are as imperfect as it gets, our righteousness is likened to filthy rags and there is no way we can match up to Christ. Jesus is not only perfect man but unique Messiah and Savior, the only sacrifice for sin. He is the only route we can take to attain salvation since He made the perfect sacrifice when He died on the cross. He is the only way we can remain 100% Christian. 

Let us remain in Him and let us walk the talk.

Letter to my mother

Dear mum, 

Just like in dad's case, I doubt you will ever get to read this but in case you do, just know that I meant every word of it and it is straight from the bottom of my heart. 

As I was walking from the house to the bus stop this morning, I saw a small coffin heading to its final resting place and it broke my heart to think about the child that lay in it. What broke my heart more was to imagine the mother of that child and the pain she must be going through. This is the one person who has seen every step that the child has made ever since they took their first breath.

Mum, you are that person to me. I can only imagine how you felt when you held me close to you bosom and looked at that little and fragile new born bundle of joy almost two and a half decades ago. To imagine how you cared for that weak and helpless baby boy that is a grown man now. To be honest, it was your choice for me to be born and alive this day. The decision you made to keep the baby as soon as you knew that I existed is the reason I am alive and I thank God for His wisdom in making that decision.

Fast forward a few years later when the tender baby was a big boy. You taught me how to pray, you taught me right and wrong; you encouraged me whenever I did good and whooped by behind whenever I was not a good boy and I did not like you very much for it; at that moment you were not a very a good mother. Looking back at those days, I realize it was only for my good since those are the same values that guide my life to this day. 

You taught me how to read my bible and to pray; a value that even  my aunts admired even when I was a young boy. On my many visits to them, they would always insist that I be the one to lead in prayers for meals and I did it proudly knowing too well that my mother had done a wonderful job teaching me how to do it. Would I be this proud redeemed sinner that I am today had it not been for you??? I really doubt that. I know that you always have my best interests at heart, and you are always standing by me to ensure that I turn out to be a God fearing and good man. 

I am proud to have you as my mother, not just the woman who bore me, but the woman who took me through the various stages of growing up and ensured that I turned out the way I am. You did not just give birth to me, but you also nurtured me, cared for me, you guided me and you loved me. What more would a child ask of their mother???

A long way down the road, I am a grown up now and even though I will always remain a child in your eyes; I will always be your son and more so your last born; I have to move on with life. I am sorry mum that I cannot remain in the nest forever; I've got to jump out and spread my wings, I have to experience life out there and plan on how to build my own family, how to make a difference in this world. You have already played you part, and you have done it exceptionally well,  and got me to where you were meant to; the rest is for me to do. 

I know you would like to raise me just as your parents raised you, but the  world right now is not the same and I just need you to trust that whatever you have taught me this far is good enough to bring me success. I want to make you proud of me, I want to show you that you did an amazing job raising me up. I want you to sit back, smile and proudly say,  "That's my boy. ". 

However much I grow up, just know this; you are still my mother and I will always treat you as such, and no one can ever replace that. I will love you, value you and care for me as a son would their mother. I am proud of what you have done for me and I will always cherish it. 

I love you with all my hear mum. 

With love from your son, 

Grey. 

PS. I'm sorry I have grown up faster than you expected and I'm moving on too fast.

Man Up!!!

So today I just want to reach out to all the men out there. I have spent the past few days thinking of what some of us think makes us men. Some of us really have it all twisted and have no idea at all what makes us men. 

My dear men, one question to start it off... are you an onion so that you are always causing your girl to cry? She is not in a relationship with one, she is in a relationship with a man and she expects you to act as one. 

Many men out there believe they can pull off having two or three girls at a go, just because you need a plan B, C or even D just in case A does not work out. Come to your senses men. Now let me get it straight, you are planning to break the hearts of A, B and C on your way to D; and it is very likely that you will break D's heart as well. 

Even worse is those men who move from one ladies pants to the other. Yes, I will talk about it because not many of you want to hear about it. So you think you are so smooth that you can get a different girl to bed every week. That makes you no more than the the K-Street night workers. What a shame to call yourself a man and be proud of it.

I wonder what happened to the word commitment. Does it really make sense in the minds of men? Do you men out there really understand what committing to the relationship you are in really means? It means knowing that you are dealing with another human being, one with feelings and emotions.

" Ephesians 5:22- Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."

 Have you ever sat down and really given thought to this verse, just to get the depth that is in this one statement in the Bible. Well, here is what I understand: if you are not willing to give up as much as your life for the the girl that you love and want to spend the rest of your life with, then do not even bother, it is just not worth it. That is exactly what Jesus did for the Church; gave up everything, most importantly His life, so as to save the church. 

That is what love is. If you thought telling a woman to submit to her husband is hard, men, try loving your wife to the level of Christ's love for the church and you will get to know it is even harder.

So as you all call yourselves men and plan on that wonderful day you will say your vows, I really hope you are ready to mean every word you say and commit to it for the rest of your lives. most importantly to love that woman just as Christ loved the church. Do not forget that the two of you are no longer separate but you become one item. 

To all the women out there whose hearts have been broken, who have shed tears, who have been hurt by these kinds of men; my sincere apologies, you did not deserve it. Those were boys posing as men and just pass this message to them if you get a chance; grow up and be a man. 

Now dear men, love me or hate me, I will say it as it is; you need to be man enough, you need to  MAN UP!!

 Man-Up by 116 Clique

Dear Dad...

Dear dad, 

I do not think you will ever read this (that is mostly because you are analogue) but I would just like to dedicate today to letting you know a little of what I think about you. It has taken me quite some time to find the right words to say and I hope I use the right ones. 

I am not very sure how other sons feel about their dads but I sure am lucky to have you as mine. I do not just have a dad, I have a father; it is not just about the male parent that I have but that he has been there, he has been a part of my life and he still is a huge part of my life.

I remember the days you came home and closed yourself in your bedroom and smoked your time away.  I was only a child but it was a concern especially since our teachers told us it was wrong. And then there was the alcohol; that too, the teacher said was bad. Now I never really understood why you did it and maybe I never will but I thank God for making all that go away. I can not imagine if you still came home smelling booze n cigarette smoke up to today. 

Then there was those times you gave us a little rum mixed in coke... just an honest question here, What were you thinking??? Anyway, I will not dwell there since what you have done so far is reason enough to forget all that. God is really great since you are a whole different man today.

If there is one thing that I admire about you, it is how much you trust in God, so much so that the word stress is nowhere near your vocabulary. Lord how I pray you will teach me to be just like my father, to learn to trust in you fully. 

Thank you so much dad for teaching me how to make my own choices, I think that is one of the most important things that you have taught me. You let me decide which schools I wanted to go to, what I wanted to learn in University, and even when I was starting my own business, you still encouraged me. I hope I will be the same to my son when I have one some day. 

I know your current businesses do not allow you to live at home right now and to be honest, I do miss you sometimes; many times actually. I miss having a male figure I can relate to sometimes, someone I can just share with in the evening before I go to bed. That is why I value those chats we have when you come by once in a while. I think it is now that I really know how valuable you are, I am sorry it has come when you are away but I guess it is true what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. 

How I want to be like you in so many ways and I pray that I will   be a father, just like you have been to me; to love my kids and support them in all they will do, to guide them to know God and to direct them and correct their errors and most importantly to let them follow their dreams. I really pray that I will make a better father than you were to me; I've just got to beat you dad, and I pray God that this will come to pass.

I pray every day that God will watch over your life and  and bless all that you do, your crops your animals and all the great ideas that you have. May God just fulfill all the desires of your heart.

Thanks for showing me who a father is, I am proud to have you as mine. I love you dad.

Your one and only son, 

Grey

DEAR GOD...

Hi God,

I hope you are doing well, and it is not that I doubt you are, just human etiquette to ask. I'm doing quite fine considering that I am alive right now.

Speaking of being alive, I am not very sure I thanked you when I woke up this morning, I know that having the breath of life is not a must for me and it is coz of ur mercies for me; thank you so much God. I am so sorry for taking life for granted coz that is exactly what I do every time I forget to thank you.

I also made it to work this morning and considering the crazy roads in Kenya, I have another reason to be thanking you; I made it to work in one piece. Thank you God that I din not get caught up in traffic today as well, I really do not like starting my days seated in a vehicle that is not moving.

Most of all God, I think I should be thanking you for my body that you call your temple. I love the way David said it in Psalms; ..."... for I am fearfully and wonderfully made..." and especialy since I interact with so many people who are physically not as whole as I am. Thank you God coz I can hear, talk, jump, clap... Lord please remind me to glorify you with my whole self every day.

Talking of my body being a temple of your Spirit, please forgive me coz I know I am weak. Please Lord let me focus on you rather than my weaknesses that will cause me to sin. The world around is not so keen on this and there are so many sources of temptations; but I know the God that You are and I know you can do it for me. I am hoping that I will keep myself pure until the right time when You will provide me with a partner. I know You are able and I trust you will keep me pure.

I have no idea how this day will be God, so I just want to ask that you take control of it and have your way. Please use me to glorify you in all that I will do today and I hope that people will get to know you through my actions, my words and my general behavior. I am sorry God coz I know I embarrass you so many times; I am so sorry for that human nature of mine and I pray that your Spirit will cause me to glorify you rather than be an embarrassment to you.

God, there is this issue that I am battling with right now and I know that I have already made you aware of it already, this responsibility that you have given me. Lord, just like Moses, I do not think I am worthy or even have the strength, but like Solomon, I am praying for wisdom and trusting that you will direct my ways as I serve you.

Lastly Lord, I really thank you for my friends. I am sure you know each and every one of them and how much they have been an impact in my life; spiritually, emotionally, physically... in so many ways I cannot even count. Please bless them Lord, as a way of appreciating them for what they have done for me and most of all I hope they know how much valued they are. Thank you so much for them.

Lastly Lord (for real this time), I know your word says You know the number of hairs on my head. Could You please tell me how many I have just so that I can compare myself now and when I'll have a bald head so many years from now... but no pressure, I can still survive without knowing this one.

Thank you so much coz I know you will read and answer this letter.

Your redeemed son,
Grey.