I wish…
How many times do you
ever say these words? How many times have you said these words in your entire
lifetime?
Precisely 2 years
ago, that is one of the statements that went through my mind every time I
considered the relationship I was in. It is the very same relationship I am in
right now and it is the very same girl that I am about to wed in the next 17 days.
It was not always a
bed of roses and I have to admit I was the cause of most of that. And it all
came down to those 2 simple words that stayed on my mind at that time… I wish…
Have you ever thought
that you made the wrong decision? And you keep bashing yourself… Telling
yourself that had you made a contrary decision everything could be way better
that it currently is?
Now that was me just
about 5 months after I started dating my soon to be wife. My mind focused on so
many ‘flaws’ that were just too big to miss out and made her such an imperfect
girl to be dating.
One of the
resolutions I had made quite a while before I asked her out was that I was no
longer interested in dating just for the sake of dating and that it had to be
for a reason. So as we began our journey, we had committed to going the whole
way. We had prayed about it and God, in His very special way and with all His
wisdom, had allowed us to start things between us.
I had forgotten the
commitment at the beginning and I was so sure she was the wrong girl to be
with.
So here I was,
focused on ‘flaws’ that were just TOO BIG to be missed… To me, they seemed as
big as KICC, ain’t no way you could miss them!! I was beginning to realize that
she was not the perfect girl I had pictured walking down the aisle towards me
on our wedding day.
And so many times I
said to myself, “I wish…” So many other girls looked so much better than she was;
they did not have all the flaws that she had. The one thought that went through
my mind… “I wish it was them and not her.” I guess I was simply making up my
mind that I’ll not marry this girl.
Well, 2 years down
the line… Here I am, and I just cannot wait to stand at the altar and watch her
walking down the aisle towards me on our wedding day (very likely she’ll shed
some tears). But she is still the very same girl I fell in love with, she’s
still the girl with the giant ‘flaws’ that I was certain were too big to miss
out.
And do you know what
changed??? I did.
It took me nearly 7
months to realize that I was too blind to comprehend the powerful hand of God
that was at work in the situation I was in and that it was His will that I was
in this relationship. She was not the perfect girl that I had pictured in my
head and it was my mind that was so full of flaws that I could not recognize a
beautiful daughter of God that I was in love with… A beautiful daughter of God
that was created in His image and was precisely in God’s will and plan for my
life.
I realized one
important thing in my life… My many “I wish…” statements were out of my own
flaws and not those of God’s plan and will.
And this applies so
many times in the heart of a believer… That things are not right, and we wish they
were different, then things would be better. Many times when this same thoughts
goes through our minds, we make it seem that life is in our control and that
things are a mistake.
Do you ever think
God’s ways are mistakes? That he made a mistake to have you in the family you
are in, to look the way you do, to have you in the school you attend, to have
you in the job you do, to have you in the relationship you are in… And the one
statement that goes through your mind is “I wish…”
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9
God has this divine
way of placing us just where He wants us and it is so unfortunate that we
sometimes do not realize it. Just like I did, our minds become flawed and we
think that life is just one huge mistake and we wish we could make things
better.
We develop our own
definition of perfection that and if it just doesn’t happen that way, we make
our lives out to be a failure.
I have been learning
the listen to God’s voice, to understand His will and let my life take the direction
which God desires me to take. My journey towards marriage has been one where I
forget to listen to God’s voice and He takes me through a bumpy path and I realize
I am in the wrong place and I have to find my way back to God.
The biggest lesson I
have learnt through all these is to find God first and I get to learn what He
wants from me.
“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33
Nothing leads to contentment more than finding God in every
situation, understanding why God has placed us there and finding our way through
every single situation.
I am excited that I never really followed my desires to run
away from this relationship and I finally understood why God wanted me here. I
am excited that I will finally get to kiss my lovely bride very soon. Had I
focused on my flaws, I would not be seated here with all this excitement knowing
how well God has established Himself through this whole process.
It is exciting that I am not marrying the girl I had pictured on my mind so many times, but the one that God, in His sovereign nature, designed for me to be wedding. I'm forever grateful that I finally opened my eyes and I saw this new girl who will soon be my wife.
Ps. This will very likely be my last blog post as a single
guy… See you on the other side!!!
